Hope
I’ve always been a dreamer, a visionary, someone who has goals and is motivated to achieve them. Naturally, this is quite a hopeful state to live in, full of joy and expectancy. The flip side to this is that when a dream is delayed or doesn’t turn out in the way I expect, there is an opportunity for disappointment to steal my hope and joy. This is precisely what happened when my hope depended on me and my ability to achieve a goal. With disappointment came hopelessness; with hopelessness came depression. But there is another way.
Hope theory postulates that humans are driven by goals and create pathways to achieve those goals. Hope is the ability to cognitively create pathways to envision those goals coming to pass, as well as a sense of agency and confidence in being able to achieve those goals. Unlike optimism, hope not only encompasses a cognitive component, but there is also an affective component that is involved.* I like to think of this affective component of hope as goal directed joy.
When we have repeatedly struggled to reach a certain goal how is it possible to maintain hope? Like a GPS, ”recalculating” a new pathway toward a goal or the redefining of a goal can be challenging, but is usually doable. Often it’s the affective component, when a goal has been inhibited once, twice, or maybe multiple times, that is more difficult to maintain. Here is one place where faith and spirituality intersect with psychology.
When our affective motivation or confidence is in our own ability to achieve a goal, then we, in our human limitedness, will inevitably hit a brick wall at some point in life and risk disappointment. This is where a loving, healthy relationship with God can be crucial in navigating life’s challenges. If we place our confidence in God, rather than our own abilities, we can remain joyful and hopeful despite any setbacks. While this may seem elusive, let me break it down.
We are fallible and changing. Our situations are fallible and changing. God is not. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.* He is good.* He also promises to work all things together for good for those who love him.* When it doesn’t seem this way, it’s my own human limitedness that fails to grasp the situation (but I digress, that is another post :)). Needless to say, in retrospect we are usually able to see how the situation has been turned for good if we are living in a place of surrender, even if we don’t see it in the moment.
As I have stood on these promises of who God is in my life- trustworthy, good, and loving— having my best interest at heart, I have gained confidence and an unwavering hope in achieving my goals and a bright future. Not because I am some superstar, but because He is the ultimate superstar. I can trust God’s character and voice in the recalculation process. Through a hope in Him and knowing how much he loves me, hope can remain even in the darkest days and at the lowest points of grief and loss.
God doesn’t abdicate us of our responsibility in taking steps toward our goals; however it does take the pressure off of trying to work our way into a better place or success because we can surrender and trust who God is. We can be deeply sad and disappointed due to life or our own weaknesses, yet remain full of hope. Instead of these missteps being mistakes in the past, with God they aren’t wasted, they are woven into the “recalculation” process, assisting us in creating new pathways and reevaluating goals.
I am very transparent with my own clients regarding my own journey in being fully recovered from an eating disorder. God was a huge part of this process. But for the simplicity of this post, we can view recovery from an eating disorder as a broad goal and symptom use can feel like failure along the way. Prior to a relationship with God, relapses in symptomatic behavior were full of guilt and shame, things felt hopeless and I was weary from the journey of recovery. Yet, once I encountered God, my journey into freedom began to shift. Although behaviorally there was not an instantaneous change, I never felt the same hopelessness and despair and that was pivotal in stepping into freedom. Symptom use became an opportunity for growth, a place to apply what I had learned in treatment, and a stepping stone into true freedom. The more I embraced the opportunity and pain underneath the behaviors, the quicker my progress into freedom. Instead of shame, I trusted that God would meet me in my weaknesses and use my journey for good. He did precisely that. Now I use knowledge and insight from my prior journey to walk alongside other women who are seeking freedom from the bondages of an eating disorder.
Perhaps you are struggling with an eating disorder and can’t imagine how God will work this into your life as something good. I don’t have all the answers, but I do know there are lessons along the journey of recovery that can permeate many life situations, even if you are not planning on going into a helping industry/career. For example, the strength, perseverance, and intimacy I developed with God in the process of recovery have been part of how he has used the journey for good in other areas of my life that aren’t career focused. You may be reading this and not believe in God or may not be struggling with an eating disorder, but the premise of hope is foundational to any goal and permeates throughout life situations, whether that is relational, career, parenting, or something else.
“Pull yourself up by the boot straps” is an old adage that originated in a physics book at the turn of the 20th century. It originally implied the impossibility of a situation— no one can literally pick themselves up by their bootstraps.* More commonly it has been translated into a colloquialism implying someone needs to simply work harder to reach their goals. Yet, in light of hope I would suggest reference to the original meaning of this statement—as humans, hard work will only take you so far. Eventually, as humans we reach a block somewhere and it becomes nearly impossible to achieve all your goals in your own strength; similar to the impossibility of literally pulling yourself up by your boot straps. Even if you don’t believe in God or the affective component of hope, it’s undeniable that we are never alone in our journeys. Often times reaching out for support, in whatever means that looks like to you, during a “recalculation” process can instigate a small glimmer of hope to help you breakthrough in a goal that is never hopeless.
*Kirmani, M., Sharma, P., Anas, M., Sanam, R. (2015). Hope, resilience, and subjective well-being among college going adolescent girls. IJHSSS, 262-270.
*Hebrews 13:8; Psalm 118:1; Romans 8:28
*https://uselessetymology.com/2019/11/07/the-origins-of-the-phrase-pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps/
