What are you saying?
Words can be powerful. Words can be the switch that changes a course in history. When President F.D.R stated in his infamous speech after the attack on Pearl Harbour, “I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese Empire”. After this statement, there was no doubt for the American people that we had entered war. Words can change the course of a family, for better or worse, from “Will you marry me?” to “I am done”. Words have the power to tear down, inspire, or create. The Bible conveys the power of words succinctly in Proverbs 18:21, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue…”. Rather than a direct physical death and life, words can immediately bring life or death to our spirits or souls. We often think about the words that we have heard, but have you given much attention to the words you are speaking? The words you speak become the words that not only you hear, but also others hear.
Words are rarely completely neutral. While thoughts often come from long ingrained patterns, we either give thoughts power through the words we speak to ourselves or the words we speak to others. Negative feelings such as hurt, anxiety, pain, shame, anger or disgust are frequently accompanied by negative thoughts and are red flags to be careful with our speech. Whatever we feed grows. If we continually speak pessimistically, our lives will manifest with negativity and perpetuate a negative image of self or others. While, we naturally notice what is wrong to ensure survival to protect us from real/percieved threats, in modern culture focusing and speaking negatively is no longer necessary to survival. Learning the skill of positive speech, despite negative thoughts or feelings, is a powerful skill worth learning. Speaking positive words creates an aura of peace and liberation. Once developed, you will also notice thoughts begin to shift.
Speaking positively, does not mean we need to deny the negative aspects of life, rather we can shift our focus and declare the positive elements, empowering more positivity to manifest. For example, when I experience conflict with my partner and am feeling hurt, I can choose to spiral into a cycle of negativity or I can simply acknowledge the facts and then be open to a solution. Let’s say my partner is 10 minutes late for a date, and then completely distracted and tired during the evening. My friend calls the next day and I can choose to tell her how awful the date was and how my partner is inconsiderate, burnt out and never there for me; OR I can discuss how I felt by his specific actions, yet seek solutions surrounding discussing this with him. While both of these options may acknowledge my thoughts and feelings, the first will lead to contempt and likely cold confrontation with my partner; the later will likely lead to an open dialogue and solution.
This applies to self-talk as well. For example, if I have a major exam coming up and am experiencing anxious thoughts surrounding it. I can choose to tell my support system how anxious I am and list all the reasons I am worried; OR I can disconnect from the thoughts and speak positively. Example: “I am feeling some anxiety; but I know that I have studied a lot for this exam and my grade does not define me. I will put forth my best effort and I am proud of who I am and the level of learning I am able to achieve. While I may not be perfect at this exam, I am perfectly imperfect!”
Whether toward ourselves or another, fear, a common negative emotion, is one of the biggest perpetuators of negativity and the negative speech that entraps us. Fear often sounds like “I can’t, I’m trying, or I need to”. These are such common phrases laced in the subtlety of disempowerment. Although you may not feel disempowered, when you speak this way there is little actionable movement toward change. We can replace “I can’t” with “I can” and discover the choices we are making that lead us to feel like “I can’t”. For instance, instead of stating “I can’t get over my past”, I could say “I can get over my past, even though I do not understand how to do that”. The first statement is a dead end road. The second statement leads me to a path of discovery.
Edger writes:
“Trying is lying. You’re either doing it or you’re not. If you say, ‘I’m trying’ you actually don’t have to do it. You let yourself off the hook. ‘It’s time to stop trying and start doing….Needs are things without which we can’t survive. Breathing, sleeping, eating. We can stop burdening and pressuring ourselves, telling ourselves that something is necessary for our survival when it isn’t. And we can stop looking at our choices as obligations”
When we say we need something, we often want something. In reframing the way we speak from I need to I want, the natural following question becomes, “How do I achieve or work toward that which I want?” The very statement of “I need”, is accompanied by a sense of desperation and depression on the pathway to the tangible or abstract item/goal.
Perhaps you are not ready to do a speech overhaul in your life. Like most changes, this is often a gradual one. But for today, I encourage you to be more mindful about the words you speak, notice how they empower or disempower; release pain or hope; help others or harm them. Even the mere exercise of noticing your speech will certainly provide perspective and information to empower you to decide to change it or not.
