Space to breathe
Here in the Northern Hemisphere, summers are a popular time to take vacations. As a Mid-Atlantic local, at least one summer beach trip is typically a guaranteed. The sound of ocean waves crashing and seagulls scampering to get food; the smell of pizza and boardwalk fries; and the feeling of the salty air and ocean breeze on my skin are all comforting reminders that it is vacation- a time to just breathe and enjoy the days away from the normal routine of daily life.
As I have gotten older, I have learned that the simplicity of breathing does not have to be limited to vacations. While, normal routine is by nature busier than a vacation, there are ways to incorporate the simplicity and space to breathe within a normal routine. For me, it all starts with clearly understanding my own values and an awareness of what commitments or involvement I say yes or no to.
Whenever we say yes to something, there is often an intangible pay off, or other things we are saying no to. Every time, we say yes to something there is not only a practical commitment, but another intangible mental commitment that takes up space and energy for our brains to juggle. The two hours you commit to an extra work project, isn’t just a couple hours- there is a trickle effect in the energy it takes to coordinate around finding time, readjusting other activities, or mental resources for other things. Without an awareness of this, it can be easy to overcommit and go through the “rat race” of life missing out on the elements that are truly meaningful to us.
When I start to brainstorm about what is meaningful to me, I consider the type of legacy I want to leave? Do I want to be remembered as someone who lived life to the fullest and had lots of fun? Do I want to be remembered as someone who made significant scientific advancements in the research community? Do I want to be remembered as the loyal friend? While all these things sound like amazing legacies for me to leave, ultimately, leaving a life that reflects my value for people and other humans is my priority and has been a guiding theme in the decisions I make.
For instance, I am mindful not only about the line of work I choose to invest my time in, but I am also mindful about how much I am working. For me, this comes with a trade-off of perhaps not living in the most modern community, or having the most stylish designer clothes, but instead I almost always have space in my schedule to take care of myself through healthy lifestyle habits, connect with a friend, connect with my dog, help someone who is randomly in need, or volunteer. The way I have structured my work, reflects my heart’s deepest value of tangible love and connection with other humans. This also means choosing friendships to invest significant time into, while I say no or don’t invest in others.
Second to that value, I love intellectual stimulation through the research and development of theories and interventions that may indirectly provide a foundation for helping others. While I stay engaged in academia, I have chosen not to pursue a career at any Ivy League Research institution or other very demanding research setting in order to allow space and time for my number one value of direct human interaction. By limiting the amount of research projects I take on, it allows the space to uphold my number one priority of people, while still allowing some time to pursue research on the periphery. With every research project I decline, I recognize that I am trading opportunities for top-tier career advancement to allow space for connections and self-care.
There are no right or wrong ways to prioritize activities in one’s life, but no matter what is important to you, being able to clarify your values and how to reflect that can create balance and space to breathe most days, that is not limited to vacation.
